you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
