It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
