I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize