If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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