arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
