shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
