you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
