did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
