all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
