Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
