My cat gives me a boner
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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