Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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