Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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