Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
