I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
