Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
