I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
