If that was your dad, he is hot
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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