You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
