He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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