You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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