seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize