I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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