I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
