I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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