You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
