Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
