he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
