SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
