Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
