that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
