This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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