does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
