guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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