So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
