thus making me awesome and them whores
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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