The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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