im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
