He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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