Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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