I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
