A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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