Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
