did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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