If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
