its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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