WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
