Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
