Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
