dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
and eventually we just all took our pants off
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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