I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
