i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
