oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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