I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
