I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize