Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
