I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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