I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
